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Declans N.S.
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Introduction This Story was written in conjunction with our Epals in Flying
Without Wings "Mayday, Mayday", the pilot called into his
speaker. The passengers were on their way to Meanwhile, back in “Burstyn,
will you stop staring at those Dancers!” shouted Carver. Carver was the
creator| director of the new show and was dressed in a destroyed tuxedo with
multiple beer stains. Nobody asked him about his night out, they would
probably hear about it on the news. His assistant Johnson came up from behind
him. “Sir
you can’t air this show,” he rasped, “you’ve got the creators of
Lost, King Kong, Final Destination, Jurassic Park 3 and Turbulence trying to
sue you back to the stone age!” “You
know what Johnson,” shouted Carver, “I’m sick of your
whining, you’re fired!!” He paused. “Oh wait I need your
signature for this contract that apparently just came out of nowhere,
you’re re-hired. Now do we have the mechanical
animals and the native cannibals ready?” “Hey sir,” asked Johnson,
“did you ever meet my daughter Sue?” “Johnson
you’re fired again, oh for the love of… Johnson, re-hired just
get Burstyn away from that window!” Carver’s secretary came
over. “Sir
we have just gotten news from our stunt pilot. He says he’s
crashed-landed the plane on the island,” she said. Carver
smiled. “Ladies an gentlemen,” he began to announce, “we
are about to enter a whole new zone of reality TV series. Now, ladies and
gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts!” “Nice
words,” said Johnson, “too bad we’re probably going to be
sued for them!” “Johnson, your fired again
again!” "You can't fire me, I
quit," said Johnson in a huff. As Johnson drove off, Carver was
running behind the car. "Can't we settle this over some
coffee?... Jonno please come back." "The name's Johnson." "Action,"
yelled Carver "What,
what?" replied Basil in his best English. You see Basil is from "Look
at the plane. It's destroyed, we're in big trouble. There's no reception and
there's no shelter. “What are we going to do?" Steve cried into
his sleeve. It wasn't long before Basil
heard something crashing through the bushes. Without wanting to alarm poor
old Steve, Basil suggested they go and look for shelter. "Daddy,
did you manage to get me a place on your show?" “No
dear” said Johnson as Sue began to sob. “
I got fired, rehired and all the rest”. Mean while back with the celebrities Basil
didn’t find any shelter and went back that night with Steve to find out
what had been crashing in the bush. Basil looked behind the bush and there
was Bono and Hector both sleeping on the ground and trying to cover
themselves with another bush. Steve yelped and woke them all up except for Hector
and after another cry he woke up and said “Wehay
howya folks Hector here ". They all began to talk about how
they got there. Bono and Hector were celebrating St. Patrick’s day out
of the rain but gale force winds blew the exotic hut they were staying in
down. Steve and Basil were meant to be on Basils show. Mean
while back in Ireland Carver and Burstyn were afraid that the celebs might
figure it out that it is all a hoax. Bono and Hector said they were all in a
jungle in the Bermuda Triangle. They tried to find better shelter than a
bush. They tried to get to the place where the exotic hut used to be because
the Irish men forgot where it was. Suddenly there was a sound in the
distance. “It
is a lion” Steve said heroically but as it got closer his heroics went
out the window. [It was only mechanical but they don’t know that.] The
mechanical lion stopped and ran away “I showed him” Steve said
but he didn’t. It was the native cannibals coming towards them next
that scared him away. The natives pulled on a rope and caught the celebrities
in a net and brought them back to there village for dinner …..well
that’s what they think it’s for!!! “And
cut. Well done everyone, that’s enough for today,” “Excuse
me Carver there is someone on the phone for you by the name of Sue,” “Ok
I will be there in a minute I’m just finishing off the scene.” Carver then answered the phone. “Hi
it’s Sue, Johnson‘s daughter, I was wondering if you would like
to go out for dinner tonight?” With
a quick reply Caver said “Yes, how about seven o’clock?” “Ok
said Sue. “See you then”. 6:45 came quickly and Sue had
her outfit all ready to go. Luckily she was ready because Carver came early
in a limo. Sue was really nervous but as soon as they arrived, it soon disappeared.
“Um
Carver I need to speak to you.” “Ok,
what would you like to ask me?” “I
have a really good idea for the show.” “Oh
do you, what is it?” “Well
I thought that a young intelligent woman could go on to the show and save the
celebrities.” “Well
I quite like that idea but who could do the role and how would she save
them?” “Well
she could speak the same language as the cannibal {which is Double Dutch } and
make a deal with them” “Ok,
but I still don’t know who could play the role?” “Well…..”
Sue said as she twirled her hair, “I could always play the role.
“Um ok, but you need to know how to speak Double Dutch.” “Yeah
I can speak Double Dutch. I learnt it in grade 2”. “Ok,
I’ll see you tomorrow at 6:00am.” “What?”
“6:00am?”
“Yep,
see you then.” “Ok”. Ding Ding Ding !!!! ….The
alarm went off at 5:30 “Oh
ok, time to get up,” Sue said to herself. “Better have a shower”
“WOW!” “It’s 5:50 already!” “Better leave
for my first day at
work”. “Ok,
… everyone, action!” “Stop
wait, I want to make a deal with you,” Sue said in Double Dutch.
“Ok” the cannibals said. “What is it?” “I
will give you money for these people, deal or no deal?” “And
Cut! Ok everyone, grab yourself a drink and be back in 10 minutes.
Congratulations, Sue you’re doing fantastic but you need to try and
speak a bit clearer and louder” “Ok
but a part from that you’re doing really well” “Thank
you” “Okay
everyone, back to where we were.” ACTION!!! The
head cannibal (his real name was Holly, but if anybody ever called him that,
they’d see Heaven before the week was out ) chewed on his filthy yellow
thumbnail. “What
do you think?” he asked, turning to his group.“I like Bono’s
shades” came the reply. “If we had as much money as she’s offering, we could
all have a pair like that”.“Those shades are pretty” agreed
one of the female cannibals.“It’s settled then” said Holly,
reaching in to take Sue’s money. But
just as his greedy claws were about to close around the cash, two thoughts
occurred to him. The first was that he hated
Bono’s glasses. And the second was that he’d never seen more than
two gold coins in his life, so the money could be completely fake (which,
incidentally, it was) and he would never have a clue. “ATTACK!!!!”……. …….
Holly roared, leaping towards Sue. The other members of the tribe were
stunned, but they knew better than to disobey the tribe leader. One stupid
young cadet had ended up horribly maimed that way, in an incident that had
involved cactus spines and the offending cadet’s tongue. So they
attacked. Meanwhile,
Carver was staring open-mouthed at what was happening on the island. “What
are they… who do they think… I
didn’t tell them to do that! They were meant to take the money! I’m
gonna appear in court for this, I just know it” he groaned to himself. As if reading his mind, his
secretary chose this moment to walk in. “
Mr Carver, sir, you might want to look at the news. There’s something I
really think you should see”“ OK , Leanne, I’ll watch the
news. Oh, by the way, fire Burstyn for
me. Spent six hours at the pub yesterday! Chief
editor indeed.!!!” “Yes, sir”. Carver walked into the TV room
just in time to hear the start of the announcement. “As
we have heard from a mysterious but reliable insider who refers to himself
only as Jonno, Miss Susan Johnson was today abducted by one Dean Carver,
handed over to native cannibals, and is now tied to a tree in the Bermuda
Triangle. Mr. Carver, creator of the controversial TV series Flying Without
Wings (Anymore), was attemptedly sued on numerous occasions by the creators
of Lost, King Kong, Final Destination,
Jurassic Park 3, and Turbulence” Everyone was silent for a
moment. Then Leanne spoke: “
Mr Carver? Sir?” But
Carver was already outside, backing out of the carpark in Burstyn’s
Mercedes Benz, desperately trying to escape being sued. Thousands of miles
away, on a small island, four prisoners by the names of Hector, Basil, Steve,
and Bono were also attempting escape. The four prisoners start to run away
and split up into different areas. Basil turned right, Steve just ran in circles
in panic so did Hector and Bono turned left. Carver
tries to get out of the car park and accidentally backs into a Ferrari. The
back of the Mercedes is ruined, but even worse the front of the Ferrari is
all smashed up and the owner comes out to see what all the commotion was
about. “Oh
my gosh …. what has happened to my car?” “I
.. I can explain” you can explain that to the court ..oh please don't ….
I'm in enough trouble as it is.” “This
is a Ferrari X Enzo man, this is worth $800,000. You probably just put in $60,000
worth of damage into my ride” said the
owner. “Sorry dude … but you will never catch me…..
bye” Carver hits the accelerator and speeds off.
The Ferrari driver shouted “you will never
out drive me”.
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